What's This?
by Domestic Servant
Summary: Sasuke is finally brought back and during Christmas, too! A songfic of sorts with a little dash of crack.


**A/N: All right, people. I just _love_ making fun of Sasuke because it's so damn easy! So, here's a kinda-songfic. The song is treated as dialogue though because if it were in italics, it'd wouldn't have the effect desired..**

**Enjoy and don't forget to review**

The day had finally come. Naruto and company brought back Uchiha Sasuke. Oddly enough, it was around Christmastime and Naruto couldn't have asked for a better present, even though he's the one who worked his ass off, rather than receiving it from someone.

So, Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi, and Sai (with Sasuke in tow) were walking through the Konoha gates. As mentioned before, the lovely holiday of Christmas was dawning upon the village and the citizens were in a frenzy, preparing for the day of gift-giving and receiving.

...and eating unholy amounts of food, if you were an Akamichi.

Now, the preparations for such a holiday were never to be taken lightly. Why, it was the highlight of the year: fantastic lights, trees dotting the walkways, store clerks wearing hats and other festive garb; even shinobi held the spirit of Christmas within them. The women would pin holly to their hair or their clothes and the men, well, they lacked in that area, not wanting to look much like pansies.

_But_ their nonexistent spirit was made up for by the rest of the villagers!

Anywho, to get the story along, it started to snow. Sasuke, previously glowering at everything in his line of vision, flinched when the white, fozen dot plopped on his nose. His eyes crossed comically as he surveyed it. As he uncrossed them, and looked back up, the five had just arrived into the center of the town. Man, if Konoha wasn't famous for it's production of efficient ninja, it'd be for it's tacky, energy-guzzling, Christmas decorations. It was bright as all Hell.

"What's this? What's this? There's color everywhere..." said Sasuke, looked around confusedly. He looked up towards the sky and opened his mouth to speak again, "...What's this? There's white things in the air, what's this? I can't believe my eyes, I must be dreaming. Wake up, Jack, this isn't fair. What's this?"

Sai turned to Kakashi and (loudly) whispered, "Hey, hey! Who's...Jack?"

Kakashi just shrugged as the group passed by a team of carolers. He was about to answer when he was interrupted by a now _very _out of character Sasuke continued on with his ramblings.

"What's this, what's this? There's something very wrong. What's this? There are people singing songs..."

"Yes, Sasuke, they're called _Christmas carolers,_" enunciated Sakura. She was getting worried about Sasuke's state of mind right about now. He was rhyming **_monotone _**for Christ's sake!

"What's this? The streets are lined with little creatures laughing. Everybody seems so happy. Have I possibly gone daffy? What is this? What's this?" Sasuke was now clutching his head with a wild look in his eyes.

"I don't know what you called them in Sound, man, but those 'little creatures' are called kids," scolded Kakashi.

"Oh, you _have _gone daffy..whatever that means," said Naruto. What had Orochimaru done to him?

The snow was beginning to pile up and children were outside, making snow forts and have snowball fights with each other.

"There are children throwing snowballs here instead of throwing heads. They're busy building toys and absolutely no one's dead," Sasuke stared in bewilderment at the antics of Konoha's youth. Naruto, Kakashi, Sai, and Sakura, however, stared at Sasuke. He was _really_ getting out of control.

"...heads?" asked Naruto, carefully. "They threw heads in Sound?"

But his question remained unanswered. The four _relatively normal_ shinobi didn't know if they preferred it that way or not.

"There's frost on every window. Oh, I can't believe my eyes and in my bones I feel the warmth that's coming from inside," Sasuke sidled up to a glass window and swiped his finger on the gathering ice.

"Pft, the only time Sasuke feels warm is when he's doing that fire jutsu!" cackled Naruto. Needless to say, Sakura slapped him across the head for saying such a rude thing, though, she had to admit that he had a point.

"Oh, look. What's this? They're hanging mistletoe, they kiss. Why that looks so unique, inspired. They're gathering around to hear a story, roasting chestnuts on a fire. What's this? What's this?"

The young couple underneath the mistletoe were beginning to feel quite uncomfortable with a strange man, wearing a purple bow around his waist watching them and saying..._things._ With a straight face, no less.

Now it seems that the youngest (and possibly the craziest) Uchiha had discovered a tree. Not just _any _tree, no. A **_Christmas tree._**

"In here they've got a little tree, how queer. And who would ever think? And why?"

You're the one who's queer, Naruto wanted to yell, but he'd already been hit by Sakura that day, _plus_ the Sasuke-retrieving-mission-hoopla. On the other side of Naruto, Kakashi was heavily focusing on things other around them and walking as far away from the other four as the others allowed him. Apparantly, if they had to be embarrassed by Uchiha, _he had to as well. _Completely unfair in his mind. And he was whose sensei for how many years? They owed him mucho, dammit.

"No, Sasuke, don't take down the decorations! That's public property!" Though Sakura's vocal warnings were unheeded, she proceeded to try to yank Sasuke away from the tree. He had gotten a few strands of light and tinsel.

"They're covering it with tiny little things. They've got electric lights on strings. And there's a smile on everyone so, now, correct me if I'm wrong, this looks like fun. This looks like fun. Oh, could it be I got my wish? What's this?" He was now near-smiling, something no one was prepared for. Of course, Kakashi just _had _to look up as this occurence happened and nearly peed his pants. Oh wait..

Good thing his pants were black _and _the ground was already wet.

"Oh my? What now--" Just then, Sakura jabbed Sasuke in the neck, hitting his pressure points with an unbeatable presicion and thus, he passed out.

THANK THE LORD.

The four (still-standing) shinobi looked at each other and then at the heap of Sasuke on the ground.

"Aah, maybe we should go to Tsunade now? Tell her about the mission...and, uh, let's forget about this whole ordeal.." reasoned Sakura.

"Fuck yes, I'm getting drunk tonight _**SOLELY**_ for that purpose," promised Naruto. Oh, he was _not _joking, either.

"I'm sure Sasuke was just...It was probably just some sort of..." trailed off Kakashi. Now what would make Sasuke do such a thing as this? Surely he knew what Christmas was. It wasn't like he was sheltered before the whole Itachi-thing.

"...a reaction?" put in Sakura.

"Yeah, let's just go with that," concluded Sai.

So, the highly traumatized shinobi walked on to Tsunade's office, where Sasuke was promptly put into a heavily gaurded hospital room.

He remained in a sleep for about a day and a half. Apparently Sakura miscalculated the force in her desperation for Crazy-Sasuke to shutup that she might've hit him a wee bit too hard.

When he woke up, though...now_ that_ was the scary part.

What, exactly, was he gonna say? Was he going to remember his little episode? Was he going to be completely oblivious while Naruto and company looked on, knowing full-well everything he had said and having it burned into their memory?

(Not that it was their choice. People just don't forget those things.)

"Urgh...white? What's...this?" he asked. Of course he didn't remembr a damn thing about the day before, and he was so obviously talking about that white ceiling that_ (which is the first thing everyone notices upon waking up in a hospital, or so I've been told),_ but Naruto, Sakura, Sai, and Kakashi couldn't help but start up at the Uchiha's first words.

Kakashi dropped his book.

Sakura's hands shook and convulsed.

Naruto bit his lip.

And Sai, well, he was ready to ask about this _Jack_ and where he could find one for himself.

Of the four, three shinobi were scared shitless. Well, make that two. It seems Naruto was planning on using the bathroom after this little visit, but it looks like he doesn't need one now.

"God, stop staring at me like that. And why the Hell am I back in Konoha!" demanded Sasuke.

A large sigh of relief was heard throughout the room.

...

"Hey, what's that smell?"

**Ahaha, I know it's not Christmas, or even close to it, but I just HAD to. I can just see Sasuke saying these things. I had to cut it off in the middle of the song though because I have stuff to do...**

**Gracias ;**


End file.
